


body aches

by HeavenlyDusk



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child Neglect, Depression, Gen, Identity Issues, Reincarnation, Suicidal Ideation, Transmigration, Unreliable Narrator, the one where canon tsuna isn't the original tsuna
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:41:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23403145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenlyDusk/pseuds/HeavenlyDusk
Summary: The protagonist of a popular anime/manga series, Sawada Tsunayoshi was a completely average boy. Not useless, but not exceptional either until a baby came into his life and told him he was to become a mafia boss. Though originally uninterested, through trial and error he made true friends and accepted his future as the boss of the most powerful Famiglia in the world.This was not that story.(In which our Tsuna was a transmigrator the whole time, and what that changes.)
Comments: 62
Kudos: 491
Collections: A Collection of Beloved Inserts, Reincarnation and Transmigration





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I'm uploading multiple khr fics in a row keep reading. I'm really quite proud of myself actually.
> 
> I've had this in mind for MONTHS and I was determined to get it out here. I even wrote a [quick little drabble](https://heavenly-dusk.tumblr.com/post/188781823607/youre-not-my-tsu-kun-nana-says-tsuna-stares) about it  
> Basic premise because my own summary is confusing me: so canon Tsuna, the Tsuna we all know and love who is always screeching about everything, is not the "original" Tsuna. In fact, the "original" Tsuna wasn't useless, but was actually pretty average. Our Tsuna transmigrates/reincarnates into that Tsuna, and that's where this story starts.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Japanese wasn’t his first language. He only learned Japanese years later when he decided he wanted to be more in touch with his own heritage. He struggled with it, but persevered even when kanji made his head spin and he sometimes mixed up hiragana and katakana. Later, he had no one to talk to in the language face-to-face, so he brushed up on his skills by going on Japanese forums and watching anime. He thought he was doing okay.

It was only now that he realized he was horribly behind.

His Japanese was passable, but not at all at the level of a native speaker, even children. He was always three steps behind the other kids. And if it wasn’t bad enough that his language skills were subpar, his balance was off. He kept overestimating his reach and fumbling when he ran, making him useless at sports and even normal walking. The body of a child was too different from the body of an adult.

People were beginning to notice that he was suddenly different. He wasn’t just ‘average’—he was _useless_. Couldn’t follow along lessons, couldn’t play sports, spent more time running from the other kids than playing with them. This was never the life Sawada Tsunayoshi was supposed to live, but the Original Tsuna wasn’t alive anyway. _He_ was Tsuna now and he was ruining everything.

There were bullies. They were schoolyard bullies so Tsuna couldn’t find it in himself to be affected by them, but the fact that they existed made him anxious. At worse, Tsuna would have gone ignored, but he was never bullied. He had friendly and acquaintances, and he was even friends with Yamamoto Takeshi, who would later become his Rain Guardian and one of his closest friends. But when he looked at the kid, he couldn’t help thinking of the described “natural born hitman” wielding a sword, and he ran every time he saw him. (He could see the teenager he would grow up to be already, and it was too scary. These children weren’t normal.)

It was dumb how it was school that really cemented his situation for him. He felt like everyone knew he wasn’t right. His change was abrupt, and so unlike the Original. They could tell and they were punishing him for it, even if it was just cruel children and snooty teachers patronizing him for being unable to keep up. They could feel that he had replaced the original, that the Original was killed and he was an imposter in his skin, and they wanted him gone.

That was fine. He wanted to be gone too.

* * *

Tsuna ran from school, the bullies hot on his trail. After he became their new favorite target, he was quick to learn the best places to hide until they got bored. It often meant waiting until the sun was setting, but there was no one waiting for him. The Original’s mother wouldn’t be worried about the person who stole her son’s body.

Sawada Nana was close to the Original, endlessly affectionate and supportive in whatever he wanted to do. In the original series, Tsuna told her immediately about becoming a mafia boss and in defense of him, she tried to get his tutor to leave until the whole situation was explained to her. She loved her son more than anyone, even her husband. When he woke up after his death by the hands of Vongola Ninth, she would have been the first to notice that something was wrong.

As Tsuna entered the house, he received a distant, “Welcome home, Tsu-kun!” Unlike what the Original would have had, he didn’t get a frantic interrogation on where he had been or a cheerful, smothering hug. He passed by the kitchen and Nana smiled at him, but didn’t comment on the leaves in his hair or the scrapes on his arms and legs. Her smile was uncertain, like she wasn’t sure he deserved it. She hadn’t confronted him on who he was in the months since he had arrived. Yet.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Nana said. “Take a shower and come back down, okay?”

“Okay, M-Mom,” he said, choking on the word as he did every time. He hardly spoke to his own mother, in those last few years. He spoke to his siblings more than he spoke to his parents, and that was rare enough. Even when he was living with them, they all did their own things. The Original’s mother was a good one. Calling her his own made him feel like the guilt was squeezing him.

Nana’s smile twitched. Lots of people called her ‘Mama’, but it was only her son who called her ‘Mom.’

Tsuna hurried upstairs, picking the leaves out of his hair once he was in his room. It was almost exactly as it had been when he first arrived—a little boy’s room, with a poster on the wall and manga haphazardly tossed in the corners. A mess of toys and clothes strewn in some places. He was hesitant to change anything except to change, get in bed and rearrange the desk to use and try to parse through homework he should have been able to easily get through. It felt like the least he could do for the kid who died.

He took his time with the shower and then getting dressed again. Nana called him down for dinner soon after he got out his homework to pass the time, to which he then walked slowly down the stairs to the kitchen.

Nana smiled tersely as she set the plate in front of her. Tsuna rarely spoke to her on his own, so she had taken to filling the silence with chatter about her day until he found it in him to respond, but this time, dinner was tense. Neither of them said a word as they worked through their food. It was good food, always was, but it was hard to enjoy. He wasn’t sure he had really _tasted_ her food or any food at all in months.

It was only when Nana had finished her plate that she set her chopsticks down. She looked at him quietly. He avoided her eyes. She said, “You’re not my Tsu-kun.”

It was only a matter of time.

He didn’t flinch. He sighed, setting his own chopsticks down, and he looked her in the eyes for the first time since he woke up here. “No, I’m not,” he admitted quietly. _Your Tsu-kun died the moment Timoteo Sealed him._ He couldn’t tell her that. It was cruel enough that she had lost her son to a stranger. It would be even worse telling her that her husband had indirectly been the cause of that same son’s death.

Nana held her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking. She wasn’t sobbing. Just quietly crying. “I see,” she said, muffled behind her hands. Another tense few moments before she wiped away her tears and she stood from her seat. “Once you’re done eating, would you please wash the dishes? I-I need some time.” Her head was turned away from him, not allowing him to see her face.

“Okay,” he agreed.

She left to her room, shoulders hunched and grief having settled over her like a dark cloud. Tsuna finished his dinner in silence, and did the dishes in silence.

The next morning, Nana greeted him like normal. She didn’t look at him with those eyes like she was trying to tear him open, but in a way, it was worse. She looked in his direction, but she didn’t see him. He wasn’t her son. He was a boy living in her son’s body, living under her roof. If it weren’t for that, he would have almost been fooled into thinking she was being friendly as she always was.

She flinched away from him when he tried calling her ‘Mom.’ He switched to ‘Mama’ after that.

The Original Sawada Tsuna was a boy who was completely average in every way. His mother loved him more than anything, he had no enemies and had a few friends, and he was supposed to live on to become the powerful and awe-inspiring Decimo of the most powerful mafia family in the world. The Original Sawada Tsuna was the protagonist of a popular anime and manga series, one that he used to obsess over as a child and continued to go back to even as he grew up. The Original Sawada Tsuna had an amazing fate waiting for him.

And Tsuna wasn’t him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short and honestly I'm a bit unhappy about this prologue but! That doesn't matter because what's most important is the later chapters! I don't know when I'll update because I'm dedicating April to a certain rewrite, but I'm really excited about this fic. (I'm highkey going to use it as an excuse to rewatch KHR)
> 
> For this prologue, I mostly just wanted to establish that scene with Nana. It's essentially context to Nana's characterization and attitude towards our Tsuna. This fic, while it will largely follow canon to a certain extent, is going to be about what changes when the protagonist we all know and love is actually a transmigrator.
> 
> Hope you all are staying safe and I hope you enjoyed this little beginning! <3


	2. Daily Life Arc 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reposted this chapter because AO3 is being weird  
> Changed the rating to "not rated" because after this chapter I'm honestly not sure how this fic will end up. Also added some tags. Proceed with caution, but I don't think anything is super explicit in the mental health aspect. It is sad, though.
> 
> Daily Life Arc was supposed to be two chapters but I guess I'm dividing it into three now... OTL  
> The way I'm gonna try and format this fic is kind of a speedrun and timeskip through things that stay pretty much the same, so there's gonna be lots of paraphrasing and jumping around in this fic. Ideally, I'll write entire arcs in one chapter just until I can get to the canon divergence, but as you can see with this one, they might end up broken into two or three chapters instead. It depends on how it goes and when I think it would just be kind of awkward to not end the chapter at a certain part. Such was the case in this one.
> 
>  **Possible Trigger Warnings:** attempted suicide, depression, brief discussion of both

“A tutor will be coming today,” Nana said.

Tsuna knew, in that moment, that he was doomed.

He was thirteen now. He was also twenty-five, if he counted off from when he had died, but he wasn’t sure he felt any older than the nineteen he had been. Or older than thirteen, for that matter, and he hadn’t missed being _that_ age. (He tried not to think of back then when he could help it. It wasn’t hard. The only thing that kept him grounded in this life, in the fact that he was a body-snatcher, was the series he used to love.)

He had known the tutor would be coming soon. _Reborn._ He had been counting down the days since his—Tsuna’s—his birthday, uncertain of when it would happen but knowing the Original had been thirteen. As much as he would have liked to, he knew there was no getting out of this except proving that he was useless as a mafia boss. Let the Original’s dad take over, or Xanxus, or literally anyone who wasn’t him.

Vongola Decimo was never his to take.

Tsuna hurried out of his room as he noticed the time. He tripped down the stairs. Typical.

“Ciaossu. Are you Tsuna?”

He turned his head, and seeing Reborn for the first time made him want to cry. _No,_ he wanted to say. _No, I’m not Tsuna. Tsuna’s your favorite student and you were his teacher and he would have saved you if it weren’t for me._ Reborn meant a lot to the Original. He forced him to make friends, apply himself, become a stronger person and in return, he became the Original’s most trusted advisor. They would never have that now.

But _god_ was it weird to actually see him. He knew the Arcobaleno were babies, but it was one thing to know and another thing to have one in front of him, wearing a fedora and a suit with a pacifier that seemed too large for his body.

“What’s this baby doing here?” Tsuna asked faintly, peering close to him.

“Don’t worry about it, Dame-Tsuna,” Reborn said.

He flinched. “How do you know my nickname?”

“Gathering information is all part of the job, Tsuna.”

“Stop calling me that!” The words come out unbidden. He _was_ Tsuna now. He had forced himself to get used to being Tsuna, but Reborn was different. ‘Tsuna’ was supposed to be Reborn’s kid—and he wasn’t. He never would be. “My name is Sawada Tsunayoshi!” he continued quickly, trying to drown out the voice inside him calling him _fake_. “I don’t want a baby like you calling me ‘Tsuna.’”

Reborn kicked him. He had no idea how a body so tiny could pack so much strength in it. Anime logic should _not_ apply to his new reality, and yet. “What the hell?” he snapped, holding his cheek.

Nana came down the stairs and blinked in surprise. “Oh my, who might this kid be?” she asked.

“I’m the home tutor, Reborn.” He dug out his card, showing off his name and occupation.

Tsuna forced himself to laugh alongside Nana. “Don’t make me laugh! You’re just a baby!” (Was being an adult in a baby’s body, he wondered, anything like when he had first found himself in this body?)

Reborn kicked him again, this time slamming him into the floor.

“Are you okay, Tsu-kun?” Nana asked. She didn’t wait for him to answer. She never waited. Her concern was always formality. “Oh! You’re late to class! You need to hurry!”

“Ah, you’re right! I’m going!” He scrambled to his feet and rushed to get ready.

None of his surprise was faked when Reborn told him he was being trained to become a mafia boss. Having a rifle pointed at him while a child told him that he was to become a literal criminal wasn’t exactly something anyone could react to casually. Running away was perfectly natural too. Not that he was able to get away, as Reborn hitched a ride on top of his head. (He did that to the Original all the time, if he remembered correctly.)

“Don’t you have school?” Tsuna moaned, knowing his own words were bullshit.

“Assassins don’t go to school.”

“Quit it already with that ‘assassin’ stuff!”

Tsuna wanted to curl up and hide. He wasn’t cut out for this kind of thing. No matter how hard he tried to prepare himself over the past few years, there was nothing he was actually able to do. Reborn was surprisingly terrifying for someone who didn’t even reach his knee. He didn’t want to think about what was waiting for him after this.

As he lamented his fate, he almost didn’t notice Kyouko’s appearance. “How cute!” she exclaimed, kneeling down in front of Reborn. Tsuna backed up and only just managed not to trip and fall again. “Why are you wearing a suit, little guy?”

“I’m in the mafia,” Reborn said. Tsuna flinched.

“Aw, how cool!” Kyouko giggled and stood back up. “Your little brother is so cute, Tsuna-kun.”

“He’s not my brother,” Tsuna muttered, unable to bring himself to look at her. She didn’t seem to notice as she cheerily bid goodbye.

Reborn turned to him. “You have a crush on that girl?”

“No!” he said quickly, but by the look on his face, he didn’t believe him. He didn’t know how to tell him that the idea of liking Kyouko made him feel sick. She was the Original’s crush for sure, the idol of Namimori Middle School and the girl that the Original dedicated himself to. They were a sweet couple. They were a _good_ couple. “No, she’s just the school idol. I’m not talking about this with you!”

He wasn’t surprised by what happened next.

_If I’m going to die, I wish I could have told Kyouko how the Original felt._

The first time around _hurt_. Everybody else was a damn liar when they claimed painless deaths and how you just become numb and then you see the light at the end of the tunnel. But sometimes, when he stretched a certain way, he could still feel the cold metal through his gut, and the imprint of rope around his wrists, and the way his head had bounced against the floor.

He didn’t remember how long it took, but he remembered the pain—stinging, seemingly endless pain. And there was no “light”. In fact, it was the exact opposite. Darkness so black and complete that he couldn’t see his hands right in front of his face, and even now he couldn’t be sure he even had a body in that odd space. It had only lasted for a second before he blinked and he was Tsuna.

That wasn’t anything like this death.

The ‘Deathperation Bullet’ or ‘Dying Will Bullet’ or whatever it was called wasn’t all that painful. It wasn’t searing, agonizing, but rather like a tiny burn. A small prick like a needle injecting warmth that spread from his forehead across his body, burning him from the inside out until that burn breathed a spark of life back into him. When he jumped up, a part of him felt like this wasn’t really him, running faster than his body could handle to catch up with Kyouko. His body _burned_ in a way he never knew, not in this life or his last.

He never thought Dying Will Flames would be anything like this. They probably weren’t, when you knew how to control them. Under the use of the bullet, he felt like his body was being controlled, a truth bullet rather than a dying will, forcing his private thoughts out and making him act upon them. His regrets, in this case.

At the school gate, he told Kyouko that Tsuna liked her. The Original, but there was no distinction he could make and that was the worse because everyone knew _him_ as Tsuna. Then the bullet wore off and Mochida challenged him to a kendo match for Kyouko’s hand and he wanted to die _for real_. _Again._ And hopefully it would stick.

The bell rang. The adrenaline wore off. As everyone headed into the building, Tsuna stumbled towards the nearby bushes and emptied out his breakfast.

Tsuna didn’t understand how the Original loved Reborn so much. If it weren’t for the fact that this was an anime’s world, he would have been dead five times over already, which was four times more than he already was. More than that, Reborn was cruel and a terrible listener. He was a good teacher, sure, but it was offset by the physical punishment for getting answers wrong and the fact that he woke him up with _electricity_ of all things. It was funny, watching it happen on screen. In reality? Not so much.

The only good thing about Reborn’s appearance was that his peers stopped calling him Dame-Tsuna, following his defeat of Mochida. He was even sort of friends with Kyouko and gained the grudging respect of Kurokawa Hana since he had made sure to apologize to her for the trouble once the match was over.

“Good morning, Tsuna-kun.”

But her voice still made him flinch.

Tsuna turned to her as he shut his locker, an awkward smile crossing his face. “G-good morning, Kyouko-chan,” he said. Her smile was open and genuine, and it only served to make him feel sick again for taking away what should have been her future.

“Did you hear that we’re getting a transfer student today?” she asked. “What do you think they’ll be like? A boy or a girl?”

Tsuna hadn’t realized it was possible for him to get any stiffer. In this world, there was only one reason for there to be a transfer student— _plot_. And he had the sinking feeling he knew exactly who it would be.

“N-no clue…” he stammered, the lie clumsy on his tongue. Kyouko didn’t notice.

“Well, let’s hurry to class then!”

She was really a sweet girl, not at all faltering at his awkward tone. The short walk to the classroom was easily kept from being awkward by her stubbornly refusing let it be. Tsuna was grateful for it, for all that he was a bit too eager to get away when they reached the classroom.

Standing at the front was Tsuna’s fears confirmed: Gokudera Hayato. His appearance was rough, but the Original had easily won his respect and loyalty with his courage and kind heart. Tsuna would never be able to match up; he was all too aware of what kind of person he was, and Gokudera had no patience for cowards.

He didn’t notice that the teacher’s short introduction was over until Gokudera was already stalking his way. Tsuna shuddered at the glare on him, then yelped as he was kicked over, along with his desk and chair. Gokudera clicked his tongue at him, glaring, but didn’t say anything and instead made his way to his seat with the teacher nervously scolding him. Tsuna shuddered as he set his desk back upright.

“What was up with that? Do you know him, Tsuna?” the boy to his right asked.

“No! How could I?”

It wasn’t fair that he was so easily scared of a thirteen-year-old. He could only comfort himself with the knowledge that of course he would be scared of a hitman. He was much more dangerous than anyone Tsuna had ever met before his first death.

( _Except, maybe, his m—_ )

Being accosted by Gokudera wasn’t a surprise. It had happened to the Original, but Gokudera hadn’t been nearly as angry. Tsuna ran screaming as the other boy chased him with dynamite.

And of course, Reborn shot him again.

Tsuna’s regret wasn’t defusing the bombs, not really. It was not being able to give Gokudera the Juudaime, the Tenth, that he deserved. He needed to apologize for that. He needed to apologize for so many things. Defusing the bombs came first. He couldn’t die before properly apologizing. He only became more frantic when Gokudera fumbled and the dynamite dropped, surrounding him instead of Tsuna.

He couldn’t die. Gokudera was the Right Hand—he wasn’t _allowed_ to die. And Tsuna wouldn’t be able to stomach killing the one of the Original’s best friends.

“I’m sorry! I was wrong!”

The Flame sputtered out, his Dying Will retreating back under his skin where he couldn’t feel it, leaving him queasy like it had the first time. He fell backwards. Gokudera was bowing, his forehead pressed to the ground.

“H-huh?” Tsuna stuttered.

“You _are_ fit to be Tenth!” He lifted his head and his eyes were shining. Tsuna almost scrambled back. He would have if moving didn’t feel like it would be a mistake. “Tenth, I’ll follow you anywhere!”

“ _What_?”

“It’s part of the code,” Reborn said.

“What code?” Tsuna racked his brain, but there were so many supposed _codes_ in the anime. He could hardly be bothered to remember something that had happened in the very beginning—if it had. The Original had already had potential and only needed polishing, so his only near brushes with death were with Reborn’s “teaching.” He hadn’t had to go through anything like this.

“After a battle, the loser serves the winner,” Reborn said.

“Honestly, I didn’t want to be Decimo,” Gokudera said sheepishly. Tsuna already knew that. “I just wanted to test your strength. But I was wrong!” His eyes started shining again. “You’re more than fit to be Decimo! You risked your life to save someone like me! I place my life in your hands!”

“Y-your life?” Tsuna squeaked. “Can’t we just be classmates?”

“Absolutely not.”

Tsuna shuddered at his no-nonsense tone.

“Well done, Tsuna.” He looked down. Reborn was scribbling in his notebook. “Because of your strength, you gained a subordinate. You pass for today.”

He certainly didn’t feel like it.

(He felt like a thief.)

* * *

There was something wrong with this kid—other than his obvious incompetence and incredible cowardice. At surface level, Tsuna was just a civilian Dino, and as clumsy as Dino still was, he had nonetheless become a competent boss. But Reborn had never looked at just the surface level, and he knew without any doubt that there was something deeply wrong with this kid.

He wasn’t an expert on Dying Will Bullets by any means and he didn’t use it enough to have many observations about its usage, but there shouldn’t have been any side effects. If anything, the side effects should only have been positive; they were chipping away at the Seal that Timoteo had told him about. Tsuna was supposed to be getting better—and he _was_ , but he was also getting sick every time he got shot.

On its own it was inconsequential. Maybe he just had some adverse reaction. If that was all, then he would have left it alone except for a letter to the creators.

Reborn had thought he had a crush on Kyouko, but as he watched them interact more, he saw how Tsuna admired her, but also wanted to run away from her. Not just her, but Yamamoto and Gokudera too.

He wasn’t as slow as his grades suggested, yet even with Japan’s education system being the way it was, he still shouldn’t have been getting such low grades.

Tsuna was startled every time Reborn made noise, like he didn’t expect anyone to be in his room despite how much time he’d had to get used to his presence.

He was deathly afraid of knives and rope, and wasn’t that a horrific combination?

(Reborn doublechecked that there hadn’t been any past kidnapping attempts. Iemitsu’s protection supposedly held up, but he wasn’t convinced.)

Perhaps most concerning was the way Nana looked at her own son—that was, not at all. Her eyes seemed to slide past him, or perhaps through him, and her smile was never exactly happy whenever she turned to him. She was perfectly chipper with Reborn, but it was like Tsuna was just slightly more than a stranger to her. She called him _dame_ without flinching. And there were no pictures of Tsuna in the house past seven years old.

He didn’t know what all of it, together, meant. He didn’t like not knowing.

When Tsuna told Yamamoto that maybe the solution to his problem was to work harder, Reborn wanted to scold him. He didn’t. Tsuna needed to learn somehow that hard work amounted to nothing when you worked too hard. Yamamoto would recover, and they would both learn valuable lessons.

He miscalculated.

Reborn narrowed his eyes from his hiding place, watching Tsuna approach Yamamoto slowly. Despite everything, he had faith in his student. He was surprisingly charismatic when he talked to Gokudera and Kyouko, in between all of his stumbling. Yamamoto was a complicated one, yet Tsuna knew how to talk to him even though he was so clearly scared of him.

“You should know how I feel, right? Tsuna?” Yamamoto said, smiling ruefully in his direction. “You’re Dame-Tsuna, after all. You can understand wanting to die over failing, right?” Gokudera stood close by, at Tsuna’s right as always, glowering at the other boy, but he didn’t say anything.

“…I do.” Tsuna looked like he wanted to cry. “I do. You don’t think I haven’t thought about it? You don’t think I’ve woken up and thought it would be better if I just… left? Forever? Instead of staying and getting laughed at and making Mama look so disappointed all the time?” Reborn felt a chill run through his body. In that moment, he wanted to shoot out into the crowd of students, make them leave. None of them should be here for this. Luckily, it seemed he was far enough away and speaking quietly enough that he wasn’t being heard.

“So you understand,” Yamamoto said. “Don’t you see? This! This is the only solution!”

“I’m not going to be your _reason_ , Yamamoto-kun!” Tsuna shouted. He rubbed his eyes, wiping away the tears. “Even so… even though I’ve… Even though I think about it, I’ve never been like you. I’ve never really _tried_ , at anything in this life. And even if I were to die, I would still have regrets. I still think about Mama, burying what’s left of her son. I remember all the unfinished business, and the people I still haven’t talked to, and-and the Family that—” His breath hitched. He wiped harder at his eyes, bending forward as though he could hide like that. “I’m not your _justification_. And it sucks that you broke your arm and that you think there’s nothing else for you except baseball, but that—I can’t understand you. I’m sorry. I’m not the person you should be looking at.”

“Tsuna…”

“I’m sorry. I can’t—sorry.”

Yamamoto stared at him, lips parted and eyes wide. The students around them whispered and muttered about what Tsuna could be saying. Most of them didn’t believe that Tsuna could make a difference, but they were hopeful.

Ten long seconds passed. Tsuna started to turn away. Then Yamamoto climbed back over the fence and grabbed his wrist, tugging him into his chest.. He wrapped his good arm around him and hid his face in his fluffy head of hair. Reborn saw him mumbling something, but he couldn’t hear from his hiding place.

“Did he do it?” one student gasped.

“He did it!”

Reborn thought it was too early for celebration as the students cheered, oblivious to the crying students in front of them. Oblivious, except for Kyouko and her friend, and Gokudera, who had the mind not to interrupt even though he must be fuming at Yamamoto for making his boss cry.

“All of you,” a cold voice came, cutting through the commotion. Everyone went silent. They parted as they all looked to the entrance of the rooftop where the voice came from. “You’re crowding. I’ll bite you to death.”

The students screamed, rushing off the rooftop in waves. Reborn silently observed the newcomer. Tsuna was afraid of him, but only to the extent that everyone else was. Perhaps a little less, in fact. It was only when he knew he had done something wrong that he ran screaming.

Hibari Kyouya didn’t move to chase the terrified students. His eyes were locked on the only three who hadn’t moved. Gokudera stood protectively in front of the other two—mostly Tsuna—his eyes narrowed.

“Sawada Tsunayoshi,” Hibari called without raising his voice, dismissing Gokudera as a threat.

Tsuna broke away from Yamamoto, looking at Hibari with his face red and blotchy and kind of disgusting. “H-Hibari-san,” he choked out. “Sorry. I’m sorry. We’re sorry.”

Hibari looked at him, passive and unblinking. “I will give you five minutes,” he warned. “No more.”

“Thank you.”

He nodded and turned, his coat fluttering behind him as he took his leave. His threat went unspoken, but understood.

Reborn gave him some time to put himself together before emerging. “Tsuna,” he said, announcing his presence. He didn’t bother with his exaggerated teasing tone he usually used with Tsuna. This situation called for an adult, not a mafia boss’s tutor.

“Can we talk about this later, Reborn?” Tsuna asked, voice small. For once, he didn’t jump in surprise. He pressed his hands to his eyes again.

Reborn looked at them. To Gokudera, who didn’t want to fight but was warily keeping his protective stance. To Yamamoto, who stared at him suspiciously with red eyes and a warning on his tongue. To Tsuna, who had hidden so far into himself that he didn’t see that these two boys had already decided that their places were at his side.

“Okay,” he said. He wasn’t so cruel as to force a discussion like this. “But I expect some answers tonight, Tsuna.”

“Right…” His voice comes out in a whisper. Yamamoto scowls, but turns away from him to look at Tsuna instead.

“We should go before Hibari comes back,” he said, successfully changing the topic. “Uh, I’m probably going to head straight home. You should too.” Tsuna didn’t say anything, but Reborn knew that wasn’t happening.

He followed close behind as they headed off the rooftop. Gokudera took Tsuna’s right. Yamamoto was on his left.

It was a perfect formation for a Family. For a boss and his Guardians.

“Hey, before I go,” Yamamoto said as they reached the front of the school, “can I have your email, Tsuna? I’d… like to talk to you more.”

“O-okay,” Tsuna said. He fumbled with his phone and exchanged it with Yamamoto.

Sporting a terribly fake grin, Yamamoto then turned to Gokudera. “You can give me your email, too, if you’d like!” he chirped. Gokudera snapped at him, immediately offended for no real reason. Tsuna looked a little lighter for it.

Reborn let them have this, and his himself once again.

“I heard a boy almost jumped off the roof today at school,” Nana said at the dinner table. “Do you know anything about that, Tsu-kun?”

“No,” Tsuna answered. By the time he went back to class after Yamamoto had left, he looked almost perfectly recovered. A few more minutes spent recovering in the bathroom and the only ones who could have known he had been crying were Reborn and Gokudera. And Hibari, who still punished him for being late to class and dragged him to the classroom, but it was a lighter beating than anyone else would have gotten.

“I see,” Nana said. “I’m glad he didn’t. No parent should have to outlive their child…” She wasn’t looking at Tsuna again, but Reborn knew there was no way she didn’t notice how Tsuna hunched over.

Reborn didn’t try to steal Tsuna’s food this time, letting him eat quickly and then following him upstairs with a cursory “Good night” to Nana.

Tsuna was getting changed when he caught up to him. It was too early for his usual bed time, but they had already gone over his homework before dinner, and the events of the day were clearly weighing on him.

The night after Reborn’s appearance, he had woken to Tsuna having a quiet panic attack in his bathroom. He hadn’t woken him up as he usually would have in the morning and he watched him closely ever since, checking where his bottom line was. It hadn’t happened again, despite everything, and so he never asked.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t kind enough to let this conversation go the way he let the other one.

“It’s later,” he said.

“I can’t get out of this, can I?” Tsuna sighed. He dropped onto his bed. “I don’t really know what we could talk about. You heard what I told Yamamoto.”

“Is there any risk?” Reborn asked sharply.

Tsuna huffed. “Please. You’re going to kill me before I’ll ever manage to kill myself.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“It’s true.” He closed his eyes. “But fine. If you want it in words: I have no plans to try and kill myself while you’re still pretending you can turn me into a mafia boss.”

“Pretending?” Reborn had no patience for people who didn’t know when to quit.

“ _Look_ at me, Reborn.” Tsuna opened his eyes and gestured to himself. “I’m a civilian, not a criminal and definitely not _mafia_ levels of criminal. I’m Dame-Tsuna. You’ll want someone who can actually live up to your expectations, but you won’t accept that. You’re still pretending anything will actually change.”

“Tsuna—” and before he could stop himself—“you’re the only one, and as the future Vongola Decimo, your mental health must be—”

“ _That’s_ all you care about.” The words were said with disbelief, but it wasn’t a question. Reborn silently cursed himself for the impulsive words. He was better than this. This was why he didn’t like kids. “Right, of course it is.” Tsuna scrubbed his hands through his hair frustratedly. “I’m _not_ your boss, Reborn. I’m not Vongola’s fucking boss either.” He blinked. He had never heard Tsuna curse before. Neither had he seen him look so angry and resigned at the same time.

“I misspoke,” Reborn said slowly.

“Of _course_ ,” Tsuna said.

“You can’t keep secrets from me, Tsuna,” Reborn said. “In order for us to have a working relationship, I need to know where you are. No matter what you think of me, I do want to keep you safe.” Tsuna didn’t trust him, and Reborn wasn’t a kind enough man to pretend Vongola wasn’t the end goal here. No matter what, he had to be kept alive and of sound mind. Still, he was at least willing to be a little less blunt.

Tsuna rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Okay. You heard what I told Yamamoto and that’s pretty much it. I’m not about to go into all the details with you.”

Reborn observed him for a few seconds. “I’m going to watch you,” he told him.

“Like you don’t already. Can I go to sleep now? I’m tired.”

He doubted this would be the last conversation they had about this. But he let it be.

They had time.

* * *

Tsuna still felt the exhaustion weighing on him when he woke up. Reborn didn’t wake him with any mallets or electrocution or anything—just the alarm and a persistent voice. It was a kindness. He stared up at his ceiling, so it was obvious he was awake, but his limbs felt like they were made of lead. It would be so easy to just lay there.

Except it was never easy, and Reborn got impatient and kicked him, not as hard as usual but hard enough that it still hurt. Tsuna groaned as he tumbled out of bed. A part of him was grateful for the normalcy, and then he had the thought that he was being _corrupted_.

“I’m up, I’m up,” he moaned, stumbling as he tried to stand with his blankets tangled around his legs.

“You got a text earlier,” Reborn told him. “Hurry up. You’ll be late.” Tsuna glanced at the clock. Reborn’s version of late was Tsuna’s version of when he should be leaving the house.

He checked his phone on his nightstand. Sure enough, there was a text. Multiple texts, actually, but he had gotten used to Gokudera’s onslaught of random thoughts in the middle of the night and his perfunctory good morning texts and reports about how he was on his way to his house. There was one text out of place among it all.

Yamamoto. All it said was good morning, and that he would be waiting outside his house to walk to school together.

Tsuna briefly worried about what would happen when he met Gokudera outside. Then he decided that wasn’t his problem and focused on getting ready for school, complaining all the while amidst Reborn’s scolding and ushering.

He was heading out twenty minutes later, lunch in hand and Reborn on his head. He felt immediate apprehension as he saw Gokudera and Yamamoto bickering in front of his house. Well, it was more like Gokudera was bickering. Yamamoto was deliberately egging him on by laughing at him. He probably thought someone who felt so genuinely was funny. (Tsuna banished that thought quickly. He didn’t want to think about why he knew that.)

Gokudera started reaching for his pockets and Tsuna called frantically, “Gokudera-kun! Yamamoto-kun!”

That did the trick, and he was immediately greeted by two blinding smiles and calls of, “Good morning!”

“G-good morning.” Tsuna gave them both shaky smiles and let out a quiet sigh of relief when he saw Gokudera’s hands loose at his sides. He was a little weary of seeing them again after yesterday, but they looked… normal. As normal as he had, when he looked in the mirror that morning. He had practice picking himself up after a bad episode.

“You look better, Tsuna,” Yamamoto said, smiling easily. Tsuna ignored how his eyes seemed to roam him, almost scanning, which was dumb. The only hurt he got was from Hibari and Reborn, and everyone already knew about Hibari.

“You do too,” he said. It was true. Yamamoto looked a little brighter than he ever had, in fact. He looked like he had settled, just a little. He probably talked to his dad last night. Tsuna remembered that Yamamoto Tsuyoshi was a good dad who loved his son, and he couldn’t help the aching guilt that he almost made him lose him. He almost made someone take their own life with his careless words.

(Twice now he almost killed someone with his incompetence. He already took one life. He couldn’t do it again.)

“Hey.” Tsuna startled as Yamamoto bopped his nose with his finger. Behind Yamamoto, Gokudera watched him carefully, not even barking about how he shouldn’t be so casual with ‘the Tenth’.

“Uh, hi?” Tsuna said, confused.

Yamamoto smiled again. “Let’s go to school, Tsuna.”

“R-right!”

“Hey, who said you could call the Tenth by his first name, you bastard?” Gokudera snapped. Yamamoto laughed and threw his good arm around Tsuna’s shoulders. Tsuna let out a quiet _oof_ , not expecting the weight. Gokudera’s face turned an angry, bright red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of this arc shouldn't be as heavy, although Tsuna will still be feeling that impostor syndrome...
> 
> The writer in me wanted to make Reborn crueler. The moral part of me wanted to make him nicer. I ended up with whatever this was.  
> Also, I'm aware that Tsuna should definitely not be brushing off what happened with Yamamoto, but he's... well he's selfish. And doesn't like talking about his feelings or things that are too troublesome. We'll be addressing that at some point.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Talk to me on [tumblr](https://heavenly-dusk.tumblr.com/) if you'd like


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